It was not until someone handed me Harville Hendrix’s book, Keeping the Love You Find, did I finally understand my role in the dysfunctional. Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and his wife, Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D. created Imago Harville: We wrote Keeping The Love You Find to address that. Keeping the Love You Find. By Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., ISBN 5 star must reading. [The following is what I highlighted during my read of this.

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Because the damaging environment is in place at birth, the child from the dysfunctional family is deeply wounded—deprived, abused, neglected—during the crucial early stages of Attachment and Exploration, in ways that the old brain will not forget. Our purposes and goals are a substitutea sublimation for feeling alive and joyful.

Keeping the Love You Find by Harville Hendrix

This is known as transference. In the next three chapters we will look at how the messages of socialization mold our personalities so that we repress certain essential aspects of ourselves….

To properly understand the highlights, you need to read the book to put them in the proper context. About Imago Therapy What is Imago? How Can I Break the Pattern? Voracious rage and terror. But nature does not leave us with the dregs of disillusionment—failed romance—nor does it have any interest in pain and suffering as our existential condition. The Journey of Partnership.

Just a moment while we sign you in to your Goodreads account. Intentional Dialogue, therefore, is simply conscious communication, that is, communication that clarifies, confirms, and develops appreciation, respect for, and acceptance of the inner worlds of others. Whatever your history, whatever your heartbreak, as a single person you are in an ideal position to learn what you need to know what what you can do to greatly improve your chances for finding, and keeping, love. In choosing to remain single we are accepting fine cap on our development and ignoring the directives of the unconscious at our peril.


There are different levels of empathy. In a self-protective move to avoid being absorbed, his boundaries become closed and rigid. If your self-hatred thr it impossible leeping you to believe that you are lovable, it is impossible for the love of a partner to heal your wounds. There was secrecy and denial. You are never satisfied.

You are never on my side. Distorted communication is interpretation rather than reflection. Our partners are mirrors in which we lkve reflected those parts of ourselves that we disown.

Keeping the Love You Find!

It’s made difficult by the fact that we tend to choose people who are similar to our caregivers when we grew up- people for whom it is a challenge to offer what our caregivers did not. Anything he says about the single life can be said for the married life as well, he just doesn’t keepingg it.

I absolutely loved this book. We have only to recall how alive and at peace with the world we feel when we are in love and connected to another, how disconnected and out of sorts we feel when such a connection is missing, to see the truth of this. Our attempt to get through another what is missing in ourselves never works, for personal emptiness cannot be filled by a partner.


I find it a bit simplistic to state being “whole” revolves around whether your married or single.

Relationship problems are a dynamic between two people: He thinks that marriage counselors who simply have couples bargain with each other to receive each of their needs are missing the mark. It’s a way to This is an enlightening book but I also found it to focus on married couples alot which was not helpful to me.

Take a few moments and watch the video. So we do something, buy something, binge on something, take drugs, drink, run twenty miles, get laid, turn up the music. I found myself going through the pages with highlighters and pencil and taking notes. We resist change because to change means facing our own internalized self-hatred and accepting the hhe for feeling unlovable. Guided by your instinctual animal wisdom and the wisdom of your higher nature, you will yu better able to make the changes you need to become whole….

The basic principle of a conscious relationship is intentionality.